Emotionally focused therapy for couples who miss each other
Underneath most fights is the same question: are you there for me? Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples answer it. We offer EFT online for couples anywhere in Colorado, Denver included.
- FormatOnline, both partners
- TherapistKirsten Adorno, LPC, MFTC
- Fee$180 per 50 minutes
- First stepFree 15-minute call
What EFT is built on
Most couples who keep fighting aren’t really fighting about the dishes or the in-laws. They’re fighting about whether they matter to each other.
EFT was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and is grounded in attachment science: the idea that adults, like children, need to feel that the people closest to them will be there. When that sense of safety wobbles, partners protest in the ways they know. Some get louder and more critical. Some go quiet and hard to reach. Both are ways of trying to protect the relationship, and both tend to make the other person feel worse.
EFT is one of the most researched approaches to couples therapy. Its focus is the emotional bond underneath your communication, so you won’t spend sessions memorizing scripts. When partners feel safe with each other, the talking usually gets easier on its own.
How EFT moves, one stage at a time
EFT follows a clear map: three stages, nine steps. Couples don’t march through it on a schedule, and it’s normal to circle back, but it helps to know where you are.
- Stage one
De-escalation
Steps 1 to 4We map the cycle you fall into together and the feelings behind each of your moves. The cycle itself, rather than either of you, becomes the problem you work on as a team.
What couples tend to notice: fights get shorter, and you can sometimes call a pause in the middle of one.
- Stage two
Restructuring
Steps 5 to 7With things calmer, each of you shares the fear and longing under your usual stance. The quieter partner steps back in, and the more critical partner learns to reach without blame. These new conversations are the heart of EFT.
What couples tend to notice: moments where one of you reaches and the other actually responds.
- Stage three
Consolidation
Steps 8 and 9You carry what changed into ordinary life. Old practical problems get solved from a steadier place, and you build habits of connection that hold up when stress comes back.
What couples tend to notice: the old topics still come up, and they stay conversations.
Your therapist keeps track of the map, so you don’t have to. Most of what you’ll experience is simply two people slowing down enough to hear each other.
When couples come to EFT
EFT suits couples who still care about each other but feel stuck, distant, or caught in the same argument on repeat.
- The pursue and withdraw pattern, where one of you pushes harder for connection while the other pulls away to keep the peace
- Emotional distance, feeling more like roommates or coworkers than partners
- Recurring conflict, the same fight in different outfits, where nobody remembers how it started
- After a breach of trust, rebuilding safety after an affair, a betrayal, or a long hard season
- Big transitions like a new baby, a move, an illness or an empty nest
- Before commitment, building a stronger foundation before marriage or another big step
“With couples, I slow things down so you can both see the loop as it’s happening, and then we practice reaching for each other in a different way.”
Kirsten Adorno, LPC, MFTC · Read her bio →
Sessions, timing and cost
Online, from home
Kirsten has completed the EFT Externship and Core Skills training and sees couples by secure video anywhere in Colorado. You can join from the same couch or from two different places.
How long it takes
Many couples notice the cycle calming within the first couple of months. The full process often takes several months of regular sessions, depending on what you’re working through.
What it costs
Couples sessions with Kirsten are $180 for 50 minutes. We’re out of network with insurance and provide a superbill you can submit for possible reimbursement.
Other options in Denver
If you’d rather meet in person, our other couples therapists see clients at our Denver office and combine attachment-informed work with the Gottman Method and the Enneagram.
Common questions about EFT
Many approaches focus on communication skills. EFT focuses on the emotional bond underneath them. When partners feel safe with each other, communication usually gets easier on its own.
It varies. Many couples notice the cycle calming within the first couple of months, and the full process often takes several months of regular sessions.
Yes. Couples can join from the same room or from different locations. Many couples like doing this work from home, and it saves a drive across town.
That’s common. A consultation can help the hesitant partner see what sessions would actually look like. EFT works best when both partners are willing to show up.
No. The Gottman Method draws on decades of research into how couples interact and teaches specific skills for conflict and friendship. EFT works on the attachment bond and the emotions driving a couple’s cycle. Kirsten is trained in both and draws on each as it fits.
Kirsten sees couples online only. If you’d prefer to be in a room together in Denver, our other couples therapists see clients in person at our Denver office using attachment-informed and Gottman-based work, and we can help you choose on a free consultation.
Who to See for This
Stop fighting the same fight
A free 15-minute consultation is a simple first step for both of you, online from anywhere in Colorado.
Schedule a Free Consultation