Every relationship has a story. The question isn't whether that story includes difficulty, because it always does. The question is whether the story you're telling yourself about your relationship is the only one available. Narrative therapy suggests it rarely is, and finding those alternative stories is often where healing begins.
What Is Narrative Therapy?
Narrative therapy was developed by Michael White and David Epston in the 1980s, drawing on the idea that we construct meaning through the stories we tell about our lives. It runs on a straightforward but radical premise: you are not your problem. The problem is the problem. You’re a person who has a relationship with the problem, and that relationship can change.
In practice, a lot of the work involves stepping outside the dominant story you've been living inside ("I'm the anxious one," "Our relationship is broken," "I've always been this way") and looking at it from a new angle. Narrative therapy asks: When is this story not true? What does it leave out? Who would you be without it? What evidence in your own history contradicts it?
This isn't toxic positivity or reframing away genuine pain. It's about making the story bigger and more accurate, which almost always means finding parts of yourself and your relationships that the dominant story had quietly erased.
Why Narrative Therapy Works Well for Couples and Families
Couples and families often arrive with a shared dominant story, one that has handed out roles and meanings that feel permanent. One person is the pursuer, one the avoider. One is the difficult one. The kids are the problem. These stories get reinforced through countless daily interactions until they feel like facts rather than narratives.
Narrative therapy disrupts this in a specific way, by externalizing the problem. Instead of "you're the angry one," we talk about "the anger that shows up between you." Instead of "our relationship is failing," we look at "the distance that has moved in." That creates just enough space from the story to examine it, and to start asking different questions.
I've found this particularly powerful with couples who are stuck in a conflict loop. When both people can observe the pattern together rather than embodying opposing sides of it, something shifts. The pattern becomes something they can collaborate against, rather than something they're enacting on each other.
Narrative Therapy for Life Transitions
Life transitions, whether new parenthood, relationship changes, career shifts, aging, or loss, often disrupt the story we've been living. The identity we built around a particular role or relationship suddenly doesn't fit. Narrative therapy offers specific tools for this: examining the old story with both gratitude and grief, exploring the values it expressed, and co-authoring a new story that carries those values forward into the next chapter.
This kind of work is particularly relevant for adults in their 30s and 40s who've built a life that looks right on the outside but feels misaligned on the inside. The life isn't necessarily wrong. The story you're using to narrate it might just need updating.
What to Expect Working Together
I offer virtual therapy across Colorado for individuals, couples, and families. My work is rooted in narrative therapy, but I draw from other approaches too, including attachment theory, systemic family therapy, and person-centered foundations, depending on what each client and relationship needs.
Sessions are collaborative. I'm not the expert on your life. You are. My job is to ask the questions that help you discover what you already know, and to help you find the parts of your story that deserve more airtime.
If you're navigating a relationship, a transition, or a story about yourself that no longer fits, reach out for a free consultation. I'd love to hear your story.
